“I didn’t set these boundaries either to offend or please you, I did it to manage the goals and priorities I have set for my life.”
If you ever imagined having a healthy relationship with everyone, then setting boundaries are the first few steps to take.
The sense of being supportive, honest, caring, friendly, enthusiastic towards people are the best actions anyone should extend to their fellow human but do you ever feel exhausted or may be used for putting all these on the table, especially when your gesture is mostly less valued and taken for granted.
Confused and uncertain to understand what boundaries are?
Boundaries are the reasonable and safe guidelines, standards or limits you set to distinguish between ways other people behave towards you or how they shouldn’t and how you will respond when that limit is crossed.
Think of the walls or fences of a building, its impossible to go through those fences as long as they are there to guard the building. It is much easier to break into a house without a fence.
Imagine it to be something that keeps you, your friends or every person in your life on a constant check.
If you don’t want to be abused then set a limit to what you can accept in any relationship.
If you don’t want to be overcrowded by the wrong people then choose whom you allow into your circle wisely.
These are simple boundaries you set to have a personal healthy life and relationship
What happens when you fail to set boundaries?
- You are unaware of when people have crossed the line.
If you never set boundaries, you never really know what to accept and what you shouldn’t from both your circle and people outside of it.
- You may need to face being disregarded.
- When there are no boundaries to identify your standards, you’ll discover you will continually be designing yourself around other people’s desire.
- People can’t really see your value if there are no boundaries set.
Came to the conclusion that I needed to set healthy boundaries for myself after I went through a period of self-assessment, not because I wanted to change who I was, but I needed to guard my personality. I never wanted to lose my bearings and all the kind gestures I believed and grew up to hold so profoundly over the inability to set boundaries for myself and people.
I have had a friend that will always come to take from me knowing that I would undoubtedly give out, even though that was the last penny on me, I personally was going through some financial issues which he was aware of nevertheless, he kept on coming and promising returns.
At some point, I realised I was being stupid and inconsiderate of my own self, I gave him permission to be treated that way because I didn’t really set boundaries, and I made him feel it was okay to be less concerned about if I had enough for myself
Good friends recognise your boundaries and respect them, but the wrong friends will always find fault when it doesn’t favour them.
It could be as mild as not having personal time for yourself because you spend so much time with someone that doesn’t really bring much to your life.
As simple as not knowing when to say no.
When setting boundaries, ask yourself these few questions
i. How do my personal boundaries benefit me,
ii. Do I feel secure taking this step?
iii. Do my actions speak selfishness rather than love?
How do you begin with setting healthy boundaries?
1. Be self-aware
Before anything else, you have to ardently be aware of yourself, what makes you happy, what throws you in the wrong mood or what can you possibly allow and what you can’t.
How much of yourself are you aware of?
2. Get rid of every guilt
Never feel sorry for setting boundaries or saying No to anything that crosses your boundaries.
3. Manage your circle
It is easier to set healthy boundaries when you have a small circle. Learn how to manage the people you have in your circle.
4. Take a break from toxic relationships
You may never be able to set boundaries if you are still struggling to leave a toxic relationship.
If you have to talk about respect, self-love and discipline, it’s all wrapped up in our boundaries.